Given the last post, it’s hardly a surprise that my last few days have been spent revamping my résumé, updating my online portfolios, and generally trying to map out what’s next.
Then a thought occurred to me. When I was younger, and in university, and even now, my goals always came in the form of an image or concept. Too often, I wasn’t altogether sure of how I’d get there. Maybe I’m just feeling a little introspective right now, but looking back on the jobs I’ve had, I wonder to what extent it was all leading to something. The positions I’ve held haven’t always been designed to pave the path towards the things I want.
Flash back to a few years ago. This guy–let’s call him Billy the Bootycall–was telling me what he wanted to do with his life was become “very famous.” In what capacity, I asked. He didn’t know. Acting, music, modeling. Whatever they ask him to do. Had he studied theatre or music, did he have an agent? No, he was just waiting to be discovered.
And that was his dream. I scoffed at the fact that while he certainly had his eye on the prize, he didn’t have much of a plan. And what he did have worked out had the misfortune of being terribly unlikely. At the time, I didn’t think Billy the Bootycall was very bright, but now, I have to wonder if I’m a little like him.
Recently, one of my former colleagues pointed out that I’m very versatile. That should get me far, he says. And I do appreciate the sentiment, not to mention the compliment. But the problem may be just that: too many possibilities but not enough focus. Goals don’t just happen. You have to work hard to get them. And in my case, I’ve certainly worked hard, but I’m not sure I stuck to a master plan. I just went with the flow and moulded to my environment each time it changed. Adaptability is the only thing that really allows a species to survive, I’ll grant you that. But at his juncture, my objectives seem further than they’ve ever been.
So now, it’s back to the drawing board. Only this time, I’m not just making rough sketches. I’m also going to carefully trace a clean Sharpie outline on the figures, and colour them in good and pastel. I’m also going to make charts and write up a list of priorities. If my expectations are unrealistic, at least they’ll be properly conceived in great detail.